ACCOMPANYING THE DYING and Phosphenism [11/11/17 -link is gone. http://www.phosphenism.com/ ]
Read the link above if you like. It is a website in honor of a scientist who developed a modern system for attending to phosphenes.
my draft to rewrite:from 1/25/13 after Mother died.
For much of this lifetime, I have been allowing, but not naming, the ideas, perceptions of actual inner light, subtle and life energies that surround and run through a person. Actually, since childhood, I had accepted that I could read printed books in near darkness, when others could not. (My eyes, ears, skin, taste, smell seemed highly sensitive compared to others around me. ) I have all my outdoor childhood photos of me squinting into light as the photos were taken. I recall people telling me to keep my eyes from squinting.
In adult life, I did not want a computer with light streaming into my eyes, and did not have one for years, when others did. Using a computer screen at first seemed to cause my heart to race, then as I used a laptop more in recent 3 years, I can tell that my night-time eyesight dimmed somewhat.
As a simple and possible way to consider demonstrating that there is an actual inner vestige, of self-generated or stored, and active light in each person, to greater or lesser degrees, I like the concept and word Phosphenes.
"Phosphenes:The most common phosphenes are pressure phosphenes, caused by rubbing the closed eyes. They have been known since antiquity, and described by the Greeks."
Phosphenes: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phosphene
In one recent, peaceful experience of encountering death, and a dead body and one horrifying experience of a death and dead body, I have come to consider this:
I do not think that most people leave their body immediately or fully upon ceasing to breathe.
It may take days...and more. Ancients knew this and death as well as pre-burial traditions built up around this fact.
This rushing people off to freezing cold storage tanks alone, away from loved ones is a ghastly and mean-spirited modern invention.
This year Nov 1, 2012, death happened to my mother, ahead of what I had intuited as her time. This is thanks to a series of the decisions and actions of her others daughters, I will name here as, daughter #2-Aprunella, daughter #3-Grizelda.
It was appalling for me to witness this whole unfolding.
In brief, the close of this debacle, my own mother's life went as this:
I had seen her the night of October 31-November 1, 2012 until 2am. (I had rushed over for she was not answering her cell phone, which is unusual.) I stayed, and would have spent the night except for details I will not go into here. Aprunella stayed. She had her glass of wine to relax, sleeping pill also, I am sure, went into my mother's bedroom and shut the door.
By 8am in the morning of November 1, 2012, Aprunella was phoning my spouse to announce a death. She would not call my cell phone directly, I was told, in order to avoid hearing any of my possible emotion. "Pharmaceuticalized" Automaton anyone?
When I rushed to my mother's condo on November 1, she was gone. Aprunella was standing there, then sitting down and telling me that she wanted to move an intern from her soup kitchen into my mother's condominium! Within hours of my mother dying.
I had to demand to see my mother. She had been put down as a stray animal, the night before, after all, by a hospice nurse (a stranger, administering 2 quickly successive i.v. doses of oxycodone that I questioned and did not halt quick enough) and her daughter, Aprunella who had administered to my mother, right after that, too much Tamazepam sublingually. The dose of a 30mg capsule dissolved and put into a syringe, which my mother had the firmness, and wits! to close her lips and REFUSE! Shaking her head subtly! Only to have the daughter, Aprunella, slip it in when I was not not looking, and proudly tell me of it afterward. Too much on a weakened state. Note that I had to demand of Aprunella, which dosage did you dissolve and put into syringe? For there was an Rx for 15 mg caps and one for 30 mg caps on the counter. She did not know, she said. I went and brought the two bottles to show her, and showed her the capsules. She said it was the 30 mg. This was not good, and I knew it!
At certain points when mother needed the sleep, My mother had only been able to take the 15 mg of Temazapam! This was what she could handle. And she was seriously disciplined about this. I had spent nights with her and seen her ability to measure this out! And, she could NOT take it every night because of the groggy side affects, that she experienced. She would skip one or two nights. And take it again when she could not sleep naturally. She would put it by her bedside and only take it if necessary. If I was spending the night, I would hear her stirring, and I would go into make sure she was ok. I had seen her procedure.
Before the hospice nurse double-dosing of oxycodone, and the temazapam, just a little bit, say 1-2 hours, earlier than all this medication, my mother had been able to sit up! Move her own legs to the side of the bed and ask to go to the bathroom to move her very harmed bowels.(All her internal body had been viciously damaged and hemmoraging, harmed by a Dr prescribed drug- Pradaxa. She was still miraculously healing from this.)
She wanted to move her bowels. Her abdomen was sorely distended. There was a port-a-potty right there,sitting in the living room , next to the hospital bed. And 3 adults to help her. A strong black haitian man, Aprunella, and myself. The other geniuses vetoed me, and told me my mother should not get up. Also, she was drowning in her fluids, that she was trying to cough up, as she sat up. The Phlegm was moving. They were stifling her cough as well. This made ZERO sense. Even if she and Aprunella had planned a death, this was NO WAY to go out peacefully. Which is quite important to the overall purpose of a person's life.
I have nursed my mother all my life, even as recently as the Nursing home, when I helped administer suppositories, massaged her abdomen, and assisted her to the bedside port-a-potty etc to help her relieve herself.
I should have stayed, at 2am November 1, 2012, and not left her for those hours.
For the other daughter had taken to my mothers bedroom, and shut the door. Leaving my mother to the odd Hatian stranger. Who had been disappearing into the bathroom the whole time I was there. Or reading his tablet. I wonder if he recorded any of that night or my mother's death. I have a feeling this is being done by lovely Hospice people. I am not charmed AT ALL by the Hospice business.
My mother's head was facing the exit door, in a hospital bed, in the condo living room. No one stated the vulgarity of this.
Now, others will criticize me for this. And blasé, peace out yogis, liberal and conservative intellectuals alike, and half-living zombies on pharmaceuticals, all groomed by the modern culture, will be numb about the whole thing...but, it is not a fully correct reaction to a very special event.
The passing into death state is as holy as birth.
And the horror of seeing what I had thought of as my sister, and my mother's favorite child, kill her own mother. Left me stunned, frozen, in shock. Like never before.
I could not even know where to begin, after it happened.
And the actions, reactions, and behaviors of this creature, for I do not think she is fully human, afterward have confirmed that there are forces, not just plain old thoughts, that people accept into their bodies, and minds, and these become the person. The person then prefers to induce, and ignore suffering while also being death affirming. Especially if the person has a long history of drug and pharmaceutical use. Now these very same people can be publicly, in generally accepted and admired healing, helping, spiritual leadership fields! For these are the BEST covers of all for their works of stifling the light and life out of others!
-----------------------------------------------------------------
EDIT 11/11/17- I Have come across Theoria Apophosis and his offerings of Natural Philosophy.
I still have not read his book on magnetism. But the videos he offers are to be considered by myself...for he is telling some of the truth I have experienced in living.
Read the link above if you like. It is a website in honor of a scientist who developed a modern system for attending to phosphenes.
my draft to rewrite:from 1/25/13 after Mother died.
For much of this lifetime, I have been allowing, but not naming, the ideas, perceptions of actual inner light, subtle and life energies that surround and run through a person. Actually, since childhood, I had accepted that I could read printed books in near darkness, when others could not. (My eyes, ears, skin, taste, smell seemed highly sensitive compared to others around me. ) I have all my outdoor childhood photos of me squinting into light as the photos were taken. I recall people telling me to keep my eyes from squinting.
In adult life, I did not want a computer with light streaming into my eyes, and did not have one for years, when others did. Using a computer screen at first seemed to cause my heart to race, then as I used a laptop more in recent 3 years, I can tell that my night-time eyesight dimmed somewhat.
As a simple and possible way to consider demonstrating that there is an actual inner vestige, of self-generated or stored, and active light in each person, to greater or lesser degrees, I like the concept and word Phosphenes.
"Phosphenes:The most common phosphenes are pressure phosphenes, caused by rubbing the closed eyes. They have been known since antiquity, and described by the Greeks."
Phosphenes: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phosphene
In one recent, peaceful experience of encountering death, and a dead body and one horrifying experience of a death and dead body, I have come to consider this:
I do not think that most people leave their body immediately or fully upon ceasing to breathe.
It may take days...and more. Ancients knew this and death as well as pre-burial traditions built up around this fact.
This rushing people off to freezing cold storage tanks alone, away from loved ones is a ghastly and mean-spirited modern invention.
This year Nov 1, 2012, death happened to my mother, ahead of what I had intuited as her time. This is thanks to a series of the decisions and actions of her others daughters, I will name here as, daughter #2-Aprunella, daughter #3-Grizelda.
It was appalling for me to witness this whole unfolding.
In brief, the close of this debacle, my own mother's life went as this:
I had seen her the night of October 31-November 1, 2012 until 2am. (I had rushed over for she was not answering her cell phone, which is unusual.) I stayed, and would have spent the night except for details I will not go into here. Aprunella stayed. She had her glass of wine to relax, sleeping pill also, I am sure, went into my mother's bedroom and shut the door.
By 8am in the morning of November 1, 2012, Aprunella was phoning my spouse to announce a death. She would not call my cell phone directly, I was told, in order to avoid hearing any of my possible emotion. "Pharmaceuticalized" Automaton anyone?
When I rushed to my mother's condo on November 1, she was gone. Aprunella was standing there, then sitting down and telling me that she wanted to move an intern from her soup kitchen into my mother's condominium! Within hours of my mother dying.
I had to demand to see my mother. She had been put down as a stray animal, the night before, after all, by a hospice nurse (a stranger, administering 2 quickly successive i.v. doses of oxycodone that I questioned and did not halt quick enough) and her daughter, Aprunella who had administered to my mother, right after that, too much Tamazepam sublingually. The dose of a 30mg capsule dissolved and put into a syringe, which my mother had the firmness, and wits! to close her lips and REFUSE! Shaking her head subtly! Only to have the daughter, Aprunella, slip it in when I was not not looking, and proudly tell me of it afterward. Too much on a weakened state. Note that I had to demand of Aprunella, which dosage did you dissolve and put into syringe? For there was an Rx for 15 mg caps and one for 30 mg caps on the counter. She did not know, she said. I went and brought the two bottles to show her, and showed her the capsules. She said it was the 30 mg. This was not good, and I knew it!
At certain points when mother needed the sleep, My mother had only been able to take the 15 mg of Temazapam! This was what she could handle. And she was seriously disciplined about this. I had spent nights with her and seen her ability to measure this out! And, she could NOT take it every night because of the groggy side affects, that she experienced. She would skip one or two nights. And take it again when she could not sleep naturally. She would put it by her bedside and only take it if necessary. If I was spending the night, I would hear her stirring, and I would go into make sure she was ok. I had seen her procedure.
Before the hospice nurse double-dosing of oxycodone, and the temazapam, just a little bit, say 1-2 hours, earlier than all this medication, my mother had been able to sit up! Move her own legs to the side of the bed and ask to go to the bathroom to move her very harmed bowels.(All her internal body had been viciously damaged and hemmoraging, harmed by a Dr prescribed drug- Pradaxa. She was still miraculously healing from this.)
She wanted to move her bowels. Her abdomen was sorely distended. There was a port-a-potty right there,sitting in the living room , next to the hospital bed. And 3 adults to help her. A strong black haitian man, Aprunella, and myself. The other geniuses vetoed me, and told me my mother should not get up. Also, she was drowning in her fluids, that she was trying to cough up, as she sat up. The Phlegm was moving. They were stifling her cough as well. This made ZERO sense. Even if she and Aprunella had planned a death, this was NO WAY to go out peacefully. Which is quite important to the overall purpose of a person's life.
I have nursed my mother all my life, even as recently as the Nursing home, when I helped administer suppositories, massaged her abdomen, and assisted her to the bedside port-a-potty etc to help her relieve herself.
I should have stayed, at 2am November 1, 2012, and not left her for those hours.
For the other daughter had taken to my mothers bedroom, and shut the door. Leaving my mother to the odd Hatian stranger. Who had been disappearing into the bathroom the whole time I was there. Or reading his tablet. I wonder if he recorded any of that night or my mother's death. I have a feeling this is being done by lovely Hospice people. I am not charmed AT ALL by the Hospice business.
My mother's head was facing the exit door, in a hospital bed, in the condo living room. No one stated the vulgarity of this.
Now, others will criticize me for this. And blasé, peace out yogis, liberal and conservative intellectuals alike, and half-living zombies on pharmaceuticals, all groomed by the modern culture, will be numb about the whole thing...but, it is not a fully correct reaction to a very special event.
The passing into death state is as holy as birth.
And the horror of seeing what I had thought of as my sister, and my mother's favorite child, kill her own mother. Left me stunned, frozen, in shock. Like never before.
I could not even know where to begin, after it happened.
And the actions, reactions, and behaviors of this creature, for I do not think she is fully human, afterward have confirmed that there are forces, not just plain old thoughts, that people accept into their bodies, and minds, and these become the person. The person then prefers to induce, and ignore suffering while also being death affirming. Especially if the person has a long history of drug and pharmaceutical use. Now these very same people can be publicly, in generally accepted and admired healing, helping, spiritual leadership fields! For these are the BEST covers of all for their works of stifling the light and life out of others!
-----------------------------------------------------------------
EDIT 11/11/17- I Have come across Theoria Apophosis and his offerings of Natural Philosophy.
I still have not read his book on magnetism. But the videos he offers are to be considered by myself...for he is telling some of the truth I have experienced in living.
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